Life On the Brink
Life On the Brink
Season Four Finale: Expectations in Parenthood w/ my husband!
Hello hello, and welcome to Episode 115 and the Season Four finale of Life On the Brink!
We’ve finally arrived at the finale, which marks FOUR YEARS since I started this podcast during Covid. I’m wrapping up this season, and kicking off a bit of a maternity break, with a very special episode featuring a most distinguished guest: my husband Josh!
I’m currently 37 weeks pregnant and we are so eagerly awaiting our little girl. This is a totally new chapter, and before we learn all the wonderful parts of this new challenge, today we’re taking a moment to share our perceptions, excitements, and expectations about becoming parents.
Plus, his Little Joy is relaxing bit of repose, and he's sharing some very groovy music to end our fourth season.
For the complete show notes, click here!
For full transcript, click here!
Site: lifeonthebrink.live
Social: @anna_on_the_keys
Welcome to Life on the brink, a lovely little place filled with inspiration and creativity that is dedicated to enjoying life one day at a time. I'm Ana. And together, we're exploring the beautiful things in this world that fascinate us. And often discovering something new. Hello, hello, and welcome to episode 115 of life on the brink and the season four finale. I'm doing things a little bit different today, in that I usually record an intro and an outro when I have a special guest, but I decided to do it all in one go. Because today we are talking with Josh, my husband. So you can say hi, hey. I talked about him quite a bit. But it's been a while since he's been on the podcast. And so I thought we would just have a little chat. Josh was on Episode 36, which was, gosh, like three, almost three years ago, we were talking about lessons that we learned in our first year of marriage, which is real cute. We're now almost four years married, which is fun. And so today we're talking about the another like very pivotal thing in our lives, which is that we're about to become parents. And so before we get into it, go ahead. Get yourself a nice cup of tea, if you like or something sparkly or chilled. I have I'm drinking that kombucha that I've been talking about for the past couple of weeks that peach one. And what do you have Josh? I see it's orange. Yeah, I've got some orange juice and sparkling water. No, very nice. And I think I think the orange juice also has mango in it. But I like it. I like some orange juice. I love citrus fruits. That's true. So feel free to join us with something either warming or refreshing. And I figured this would just be a nice way to cap off this season before I sort of enter maternity break. In between seasons four and five. I'll come back in the fall. But it just sort of works out with the timing really well, because I started this podcast four years ago in 2020. And I thought it would be nice to be able to look back at this episode. Once we are parents who knows how many kids will have and to just see where we were right before we had our first kid. Yeah, this was hope I can say this. This was one of the big reasons why I really wanted to support you doing this is because we have this record of what we thought the way we were the events that were happening. And in a way I think this is very special and and you know, almost sacred. If you think about you know, just a generation ago that didn't have this. Yeah. I'm happy to be here. Happy to be the last guest of the fourth season. Yeah. Okay. So currently I am 37 weeks pregnant. Little girl could come kinda at any time. But you know, I'm mentally planning for a really long pregnancy so that I don't get discouraged. That's the idea. So probably within three weeks, let's hope she'll be with us. So I have sent Josh a list of questions. And we'll just sort of bounce back and forth on them. I stressed to him that I I just wanted it to be very relaxed, chill conversation between us too. Because yeah, she sent me the questions at lunch today. So I didn't prepare prepare. Yeah. And I think that was a very good strategic move on her part. Yeah. Because he said he would have bullets. And if this was visual, he would have slides and and today I have nothing. Yeah, that's great. That's great. Cuz I just want to ask you where you are. How you doing? First of all? Great, fantastic. Yeah, I feel like Mondays are easy for a lot of people just because you you. Ideally, you're well rested from the weekend. We're recording this on Monday. Okay, well, first question, how do you feel about becoming a parent so soon? or becoming a father I should say? Yeah, the due date. It is, we had just said three weeks away. Yeah, a little over three weeks away. And so I think my answer is overwhelmed. But in the best way you can use that word. I don't think anyone has to tell URI, that being a parent is challenging. But I think what's often ill described, either intentionally or unintentionally, is the meaning that comes with it. And the joys that I've heard personally from family members about raising a child. Yeah, and I, I want to address this maybe so that the listener understands that these thoughts, I'm very tempted to feel like a new plumber that thinks they can fix Niagara Falls. I think I read that in a book once, and I can't remember the book, I really should figure that out and cite it. Maybe. Maybe I can Google that line. No, and put it in the show notes. Yeah, but I guess where I'm going with that is, I have to just embrace that we're talking about something we don't know yet. Yeah, yeah. And that's okay. But yeah, overwhelmed in the best way. I'm excited for the good things that not a lot of people talk about, like when they realize who you really are, when their eyes open when you know, they're seeing and they just look right through you. And they see, you know, your inmost being when really they're just tired or hungry and they need something to eat or, or maybe they just need to be made more comfortable. But yeah, overwhelmed, overwhelmed, and in a good way. That's good. That's similar to how I feel, I suppose. I feel ready. I think it's dawns on me a new every other day or so that birth is upon me, that it's actually going to happen. And then I will have done it. Because we've discussed it at length in a theoretical sense. I'm also excited for when she knows who we are, or can recognize us. across the room, which I'm going to skip around. Actually, I know I sent you a list, but I'm going to ask you, what are you, like most excited about in terms of having this little girl? Or like we're having kids in general? Yeah. I can't remember who had said this. But when a child is near you, you can observe how interested they are in everything. Yeah. And it's almost like they're giving you eyes and ears to see that newness to. But yeah, just so that they're they're experiencing things to them, which are brand new, and we think they're just normal, you know, boring. And yeah, I think that perspective is going to be very refreshing anything in particular that you're excited for her to discover. Peanut butter. No, no, I just Oh, and maybe another good point, too, is we can create our own traditions. That's true. Obviously, some we passed down. But you know, any unique or weird? Or just, you know, just bizarre circumstance we find ourself in if we make it joyful, and you repeat it. I mean, you can create your own holidays. Yeah, growing up, we would have popcorn and milkshake on Thursdays Thursday night. Yeah. And I really did look forward to that. And I don't think it's because of that tradition. But Thursday nights still as an adult. I look forward to them a lot. You know, it's like, okay, you through with most of the week and tomorrow's Friday. So that weekend is almost upon you. But yeah, just being able to establish those traditions, those fun holidays. And to make memories that are joyful. I think that's awesome. Yeah, that's true, you do still really like Thursdays. And I agree, I've been thinking a lot lately about the concept of wonder, and how easy it is for a child to wonder about everything, and to just be in awe and just like discovering everything. And so I'm excited to see the world again, through a kid's eyes basically. Peanut butter is a good one. I think I'm looking forward to like butterflies, you know, you learn about their whole lifecycle and everything. And then eventually, like, first trip to Disney World, you know, like getting to experience it. As a parent, that's going to be really, really fun to me. And conversely, next question, what are you most are you apprehensive about anything in particular or not not worried, but just things that may be challenging for us. Do you think? Of course we don't know what our kid will be like. But yeah, I'm glad you said that. That was one of the things I wanted to talk about. And we might be here for a little bit. Yeah. So to maybe address another part of the question that we just answered and tied into this one. I'm overjoyed and excited to teach our daughter, anything. I think I've told people that I'm very excited to teach her math. Yeah, I asked Josh, a couple of weeks ago, I was like, What are you most excited about? teaching her? You know, I'm thinking like to walk to speak. He said, upper level math. I say upper level math. Well, you first you said math. And then I was like, really? And then you said, yeah, like, upper level, like higher math? Yeah, maybe that was a mistake on my part. But maybe I should just say math? Well, I mean, I'm sure she'll have to study over math, and you will be a far better tutor than I will. I wouldn't sell yourself short. But yeah, I'm excited. Yeah. Tutoring. Yeah. But how that ties into this question is that she may not like math. Yeah, that's true. And I think this ties in because we grow up with these interests, these talents, these hobbies, and there is no guarantee that our child will have the same feelings. Yeah. And I am trying to make peace with that. And be gentle. Because I think, in wanting our child to be like me in certain ways, I'm going to miss how beautiful she will be as she is. And I'm really trying to adopt that mindset. And check everything I feel about what she does, the way she behaves. Now, obviously, there are some easy parts, it's like, okay, you know, I care about the character of who you're becoming, you know, you and I are going to work hard to make sure that she is good at making good decisions. Oh, yeah. And, you know, treating others with respect. But in terms of like interests, yeah, in terms of interests in terms of abilities, I can tell that I am going to work, I'm going to work hard, so that she realizes that she is her own person, that she realizes she has interests that are truly her own, and I'm gonna do my best to support those. So yeah, okay, let me let me recap, I'm excited to teach her math. At the same time, I'm going to respect her interests. And I'm going to try to really listen to things she is drawn to, while you and I obviously, make sure she develops into a good decent person, a person that people would want to cooperate with. And then let's see. Oh, yes, the another big point that I finally got out of my head, I think, knowing when to divulge certain information about adulthood. Or just how do we tell if she's ready for us to treat her more and more like an adult? Yeah, I think that will be pretty challenging. What's the saying? The older we get, the smarter our parents were. Yeah, or our that seems? That seems correct. I don't know the saying but yeah, I'm just thinking, like many, many, many, many, many people have done before us. It's like, okay, she's going to be a child, but she's going to grow into an adult. And so that, you know, that challenge is going to be formidable, but exciting. And so I'm also like, super happy about those problems, those very same problems that I've listed. Also, another big one is, I do wonder how she's going to learn that adults are human. You know, I have memories growing up where I saw adults fall short. Yeah. And sometimes they were people in my family. Sometimes they weren't. But I think that's a lesson. Every child learns eventually, it's like, wow, adults are, in many ways, big children that have learned to behave to varying degrees. But, but yeah, just helping her realize that people don't always do do and say the right things and teaching her to or rather helping her being beside her when she witnesses For those things to not lose hope to not lose being positive and to and to still enjoy things, period. Yeah, I think like, there's many, many stages of parenting, and just figuring out how to adapt and to understand and to go to the next stage of not just development, but of, of teaching of understanding that sort of thing. I don't know that one popped into my head, oh, go ahead. Knowing the difference between pushing her to grow into something that we think she'll be good at, versus wanting her to do something, just so that we would want her to do that. Yeah. I think that's a very fine line that a lot of other people have had to deal with. It's like, okay, and I'm just using as an example, piano lessons. Yeah. We both took piano lessons, we both took piano lessons on a well, one, she's just an amazing, talented young woman. But I believe she also had really good teachers. And I do not feel that I had the best teacher. And I also do not feel that I really had a desire to do it. But you know, my brother did it. My mom did it. And I just thought it was okay. It's one of those things that I'm going to do. And, you know, my family had a relationship with a piano teacher and she was very sweet lady. And, you know, there was no ill will is just looking back. I don't know that I would have done that. Again. Yeah. Beyond like the knowledge of music theory and maybe the experience of performing art and although other people was the piano, the catalyst to having like to bassoon or did you already play this soon? So that's a fair point. I started piano. So I actually played viola in elementary school. And then I did piano I think around the same time, and then in middle school, I started the bassoon. So piano was before bassoon. So maybe it was more foundational than Yeah, probably. And I still play the bassoon, although not professionally, and not for any any groups anymore. But I get a lot of joy out of that. And it's, it's something that I think is relatively unique. Oh, I think yeah, it's it's great to have learned an instrument. Josh did play the Zune all the way through college. And actually, at the end of the episode that he was on last time, you there's a look a little sample, I included the audio of we played and recorded a duet that I walked down to at our wedding. So it's helped me on piano and him on bassoon and it's real cute. If you want to hear that audio, it's over there. Yeah. Beautiful tune. Single pedal have arose. Yeah. Yeah. But But to your point, that we both had piano lessons, but they definitely took in different ways. Yeah. And at what point do you like how far do you stretch your kid? Like, when do you push them? Yeah, yeah. Well, well said, I think those are definitely things I've thought of as well, I think, because I'm thinking of it a bit more short term, so I don't get overwhelmed. I think that I'm I just really want to the present, and try to enjoy each stage as much as possible. I think that both of us can be very forward looking, and goal oriented and planning and that sort of thing. And so, like the newborn stage only lasts a couple of months, and then like there's, they grow so fast, and like I don't, I really as much as possible, want to cut us both some slack and just really enjoy figuring it out. Because I think we are ready, and we're going to be very well supported. And and so I don't want to be spending each stage of parenting thinking about the next one. I am actually a little worried about the sleep deprivation. Sure, and the first stage, but in the same way that some people have because many, many, many people, even people that I don't know have begun giving me advice and that's top of the list is like sleep now because you'll never sleep again. And that may be but I have had a couple of people in my life just encouraged me like it could go many different ways. And and we're going to make it work. And so I as much as possible want to go into this with a large expectation of good. In the same way I think when we got married people out of out of good intention, sort of forewarned us against the difficulties, or, you know, could be possible difficulties of marriage and and I remember thinking, is anybody having fun anymore, you know, like, why do people get married then? And so I felt a little bit of that in this pregnancy of like, do people have fun with their kids? Or is this just an obligation that we feel necessary to fill? And I don't? I don't think it is, I think it's the former, that it is fun, and it is going to be very fulfilling. And, and we already know that it's going to be a challenge. And so I think with that in mind, we'll just be able to, to go go with it as much as possible. So I've got a couple, I've got like two questions that are kind of similar. And I'll just ask them at the same time, what has been the most unexpected part of this journey? So mostly, like, during me being pregnant, and US preparing for this? And also, are there any, like big realizations or takeaways that you've had during our recent like we've we've had a large intake of information regarding babies and, and child care and pregnancy and all of that stuff. And so if there was anything that struck you, like, I had no idea about this, or, or an unexpected part, as I've been pregnant, I suppose. Because I think sometimes you being the father, the journey to having the child is is much different in the experience. And so I'm just curious as to how it has been interpreted for you. I've talked at length on this podcast about I've been feeling so I'm gonna be like, really self righteous and say, I saw everything coming. No, not at all. I'll tell you what, I won't say it like that. But I will say that, barring certain obvious changes, I'm comforted to know that I like you. And you being pregnant hasn't changed to you. That's good. Yeah, I just like behavior wise. And I mean, we're at church last week, and you got like two or three compliments? Yeah, like, oh, my gosh, you're pregnant. And you're so beautiful. Yeah, along that line, but I guess maybe what I'm getting at as is scuze. Me, like you're pregnant, but you're still on? Yeah. And I like that. I like that a lot. I will say, maybe it's this is also because of my age. But I feel like it's very easy for me nowadays to gain weight. And I have noticed personally, and not in a bad way, like I have been knock on wood recently. I've been hitting the gym a lot. And I've, I've been able to gain weight. I feel like easier now than ever. And I did not expect that. However, I am over 30 years old now. But yeah, maybe it just it's in seeing your body change. It has made me conscious of looking at my body is my body changing? How so? But yeah, I'd say mainly those two things. It's made me conscious of myself. But it's also made me thankful that even though you're pregnant, you're still you. And I like you. I still like you. Gotcha. I didn't know where you're going with that for a minute. But I Oh, no, it just it was unexpected. For me. Gotcha. This, like the the the fact that I don't think you changed so much outside of like the obvious changes for a pregnant woman, but also that I was more conscious of myself. Interesting. Okay. Well, another one of my questions on here is, do you see parenthood changing the relationship between you and me? And if so how? Yeah, yeah, I do, actually. I think it's going to cause us to continue being like, incredibly efficient. And the way we communicate in our communication, yeah. And maybe to be specific, it's I think we will make more of the time we have together. Just you and I Yeah. Simply because it will be, you know, just you and I one on one, just the two of us, that will be objectively less. Yeah. And that that is not necessarily a bad thing. So in that way, I think it'll make us be more efficient in the way we talk to one another, and, you know, even communication without without talking. And then I think it's going to help us examine, maybe the ways we spend time together, especially when finding a new routine as our daughter changes, but I know we're going to prioritize spending that time together and what that looks like. I think we're going to reevaluate that pretty regularly, like, hey, why don't we try this instead? Or maybe we can maybe pick up this hobby or go somewhere, but I think we're going to we're going to figure out how to continue to invest that time with one another. I Great, I'm excited to see you as a dad, all my friends are like, Josh was meant to be a girl dad, like, just so sweet. And I knew when we were dating, like, this is gonna be really cute to see as a dad. Just because, well, as we're talking, we both tend to be quite efficient and clear in our communication, just as you said. But Josh is also very sweet and tender and patient and all the things that I would want for the father of my kids. So I think I'm gonna have a fun time watching you, like, figure out this next step, because I think I can't examine it in myself in the same way. Like I'm becoming mother, but I can't view it from the outside. So I'll just watch you. So you've mentioned earlier the popcorn milkshake Thursday nights. Are there any other traditions or memories, I should say that stand out from your childhood? To give some context, Josh has an older brother named John. And it was just the two of them. And Josh is kind of the youngest of his generation, where as I am kind of the oldest of mine, but he has two great parents, they're always telling stories about when they were little or funny things that have happened, or it's always nice to hear. So if you have any memories that are like, specifically with your father, just because we're talking about you, or or not necessarily just from when you were a kid that that stuck with you? Yeah, I'm going to share one memory of my mom and another of my father. I don't know why I said mom and father, I can just say mom and dad, mother, father, mom, dad. With my mom. We called it snuggle time. But it was this period in the morning, where we would sit, my brother, myself and my mom. And we would just sit together on the couch, under a blanket, and just be with one another. And that was meaningful for John and I especially, as I'm sure it was from my mom. Because mom worked a lot when John and I were very little. She we would see her in the morning for snuggle time for we had to go and she had to go. And then we'd see her late at night, usually after it was dark. And very early in our childhood, she would actually work a little bit on the weekends as well. But snuggle time was important. Because time with our mom was important. And specifically it was a I did not know how good or meaningful of an example this was. But it was a memory of seeing and feeling and experiencing my mom, not neglect family in the midst of a busy career or busy work schedule. And she didn't neglect either. You know, she worked very hard, but she gave to us what she could and she worked very hard for us also. And so that's that's kind of my mom's memory. And then on a much more lighthearted note. The memory of my father is when I was I couldn't have been more than three years old. We were at a grocery store. And I was sitting in the shopping cart and the higher portion of it with my feet. I was facing my father who was pushing the cart and my feet were kind of dangling. But I I picked my nose in the grocery store. And I just pulled out the biggest nastiest booger. All right, and you know, because I was so little, it's like, okay, there's, there's something in my nose. I get this out. I got it out. Yeah. And so I was just sitting there in the middle of Food Lion. I want to say we were near the meats in the grocery store. And my dad saw me. And you know, he saw what I was dealing with. And the next thing I know, I see the bottom of this shoe rise quickly up near my hand. And my dad, my dad just wanted me to wipe my finger on the bottom of his shoe. And was it still on his foot? Yeah, he brought his foot up. He brought it well. The thing is, I remember it like that. But he may very well have took his shoe off. But I just remembered. Yeah, yeah. And the thing is, I don't even think he had to tell me to wipe it on it. I just think as soon as I knew it was there. It's like, oh, that's what I'm supposed to do. So I wiped it on his shoe. He put his foot down. Nobody said a word. We kept moving. It was so good. No, it's great. It's not it's nothing like oh, he, you know, he moved heaven and earth for me, you know, but you know, I had a need, he met it, you know, it was quick and you know, wasn't terribly easy for him. But it was maybe a little bit more convenient. But I just thought that was like, Cool in the moment. It really was. It was so cool. It was helpful, and it was cool. But yeah, I've never heard this story. And obviously, my father has been there for me and so many other ways than that. But I, I remember that. I remember that that moment. Well, I liked it. Those are two from very early childhood. Yes, well, yep. Yeah. I mean, they're, they're much more I could give, but those are very important to me. Cool. And you were asking me a couple of weeks ago about memories of me and my dad. And I remember, well, my dad is like, six, three, and he would let us sit on his shoulders. And so we were taller than everything. And that I remember having a fun time there. I remember we had these magnets on the fridge that were in, we just alphabet. And he would sit with us on the floor, I remember like laying entirely on my back on the floor and just looking up at the fridge. And that was how we learned to like sound out letters. And, and both my parents read to us, like every night, and encouraged us to like read the words as well. And from a very young age, like, reading was a huge, huge part of my childhood. And so I remember those, like, very formative experiences with them. Yeah, just riding around in my dad's truck. And when he would have to do projects, or we go to Home Depot, or have to drop something off at the dump, you know, they were nice little trips. And at the time, it was just me and Sarah. Yeah. And with my mom and my, my grandma, I remember learning how to make toast in the toaster at the age of like four and put butter on the toast and then later how to set the table and, and what goes where and yeah, so I'm excited. I think about the fact that I will be mom, and I can be a party Mom, I'm really excited about that throw or birthday parties. But that, you know, every time I've ever held a baby, or have interacted with a kid, we may have had a moment of connection there or had a nice time a nice memory. But ultimately, that kid wants to go back to mom. And so that will be really cool and special to be somebody's mom. Yeah. And I guess just realizing that all of the special memories or the traditions that our kids will have, are because we are making them. And so finally kind of like right in that same vein? I guess not. I don't want to ask like what what parenting style do you adopt? But like, what kind of a dad would you like to be? Or how would you like our kids to remember you? Like if they were to, in a couple decades be having a similar conversation? What kind of emotions or memories or impressions of you as a dad? Do you hope to leave? It's a very good question. They've all been very good questions on a thank you. I have to watch myself when I answered this question because we ultimately cannot control what even the people we love. Think about us. Oh, for sure. Yeah. But I can do my best to love them anyway, for our daughter. I would like to be remembered and known as someone who is simply willing to help them. And someone who genuinely cares for them. And I feel like those are like the two free spaces on any bingo card. If I could have like everything I wanted and all the bells and whistles, I would like to be someone that they are comfortable with someone that they can ask for help and admit that they don't know something. And maybe one day, I'll be able to show them the same, you know, to be to be vulnerable with them wisely to be honest with them and tell them when I don't know. But also I'd like to be someone that they can have fun with. And I think I really screw this up especially on a podcast because I think the last thing I come off on here is fun. I think I think I'm way too deep all the time. But the thing is you asked me for questions. So this guess what you're getting a meaningful answer. But I would like to be to be light hearted with them. I think they're going to have enough means to worry about, on their journey that I hope that they will come to me whenever they you know, need a break, or just want want to have a good time. Or you know, they don't even have to have a goal. Like if they just want to be with me, while I'm doing whatever when I, you know I'm doing and not worry about me, you know, judging them or putting tasks on their plate like I want them to know that they can come to me for help. They can come to me for rest. But yeah, that's it. I don't think I can say anything more on that. Yeah. No, I like that. And you're right, that we can't. It can't control another's perception of us. But But I, I asked it simply to, like illuminate your priorities as a parent. And I think those are very sweet and well aligned. Yeah, and you're right, I brought you on the podcast to talk about like, meaningful things. So next time, I'll bring you on for something. Maybe one of the movie nights or something? Yeah. Like that, like casual? Yeah. Gosh, I stopped giving me all these like, really meaningful questions. You have really good answers. I think so. Yeah. Feel free to challenge them. Yeah. Well, thank you. Yeah. I'm excited to do this with you. So I guess. Do you have any other thoughts on this subject before I ask you, but little joy? Yeah. So I recently changed jobs. But I kept in touch with one of my former supervisors. He retired not long ago. And so I came to see him. Brahmana a little gift, and we just got to sit down and talk. And that conversation was very valuable to me both for getting closure about the workplace, I left, but also to be able to talk with a man i i greatly respected and admired about being a parent, and he was actually watching his grandkids while I was over there, you know, I just flat out asked him, I told him we were expecting and I said, Do you have any advice? And he said, Every child is different. And I think that answer has colored both what I've said today, and it's going to color, my experience, you know, depending on how many children we decide to have, but that every child is different. And raising a child is a beautiful and demanding process. And maybe just to remind myself that both every child is different, and we control our inputs. But you know, so many things are in play with what the result is. And that I know, people tend to worry about that. But I think that also gives us a little bit of freedom, knowing that, hey, you know what, I'm gonna do what I can. And I, I am so happy that I have you as a partner, because I know you're going to do what you can. And ultimately, that's all we can do. And if we do that the best we can. I don't think we can really worry about much. Yeah, that's a good point. And that's, that's something I know, I will need to remind myself and I will need you to remind me as as we keep going. Great. And maybe we'll come back and do a recap of this and in four more seasons and see. I thought there were parents, I thought there was gonna be a marriage follow up. Oh, I suppose we can. Yeah, I was gonna trash you the whole time. Okay, well, that one was less about expectations and more just like what we learned. Oh, yes. You're within? Yeah. The first year. Yeah. Well, we could do a follow up on lessons learned. Yeah. In the first year of parent while we're a different shade of green. It'll be four years. I know. Yeah. Yeah. There are people out there just kind of laughing at us. Like y'all are so new. Well, they are new but game but yeah, this is this is a time capsule of sort. Absolutely. And I I'm I'm glad that we this also gives us an opportunity to, to actually think about the things that have been important to us. Oh, sure. As children and then what we what we hope to Yeah, just being intentional. This is a therapeutic conversation. Yeah, it just so happens that you wanted to record it for your podcast. Okay, so I always ask my guests to share this week's little joy. And this is a special because it's the season finale. So a little joy can be either a physical thing or it can be like an experience or just something that has really brightened up your everydays Yeah. So I think my little joy is going to be last night to get If the listener says, Oh, I have been doing a lot of housework lately. Yeah. They've gotten the the ongoing renovation taught. Oh, good, good, good, good. Yeah. But it's stuff that we've been wanting to do. And it's stuff that we think is ultimately good for our home in the long run. Yeah. And it can be very draining on me. And we also we like we our family is very active with each other, like we get together at least once a week. And if you guys remember anything about me, you would know that I actually I don't get me wrong. I love everybody. But I'm, I am an introvert. Yeah. And I think one of the ways I've grown a lot, since we even we've been dating is asking for what I feel like I need or being proactive about communicating the way I feel. But Sunday, I was good about communicating how tired I was. And I I asked for something I feel like I really needed. And I see that as a big win for me, because I think sometimes I'm just not even conscious of myself. And it's sometimes it's easy for me to do that to forget about what I might want in the moment or the way I feel. And I just asked for, you know, some time in the evening where I could maybe hit home early, maybe skip out on, you know, say Sunday family dinner, and I was so happy I did. I did come home. I did do a little bit of work on the house, but I ended the night early. I got a shower, and I just got to rest. Yeah, as he put it when I came home, he said I've just I've just been cozy. Yeah, I've just been cozy. Yeah. And I really enjoyed that I really needed that. I don't think I would be in as good a mood today. If I did not do that. That was very healthy for me. Well, that's good. Yeah, I agree that you communicated that very clearly. And well, well put. And, and I'm glad that you were able to enjoy that time. And I know that that kind of communication and grace with each other is going to be much needed. With baby in the mix. Well, good. And if you'd like I will let you share this week's album of music or a playlist of music. Oh, okay. Yeah, so I thought about this. And there are two things I want to share. I want to share an album and I also want to share a song. Oh, which is complete. It's disjoint from the album, there's no you know, they're not related at all. But the album, really cool instrumentalists group. The group is called the Lydian collective. Okay. And the album is the return. I think it came out around 2022. But it's just a group of, I believe four, if not five. instrumentalists. I believe the guitarist and keyboard player are guys. And the bassist and the drummer are women. And none of that really matters. But it's cool it I think it is cool. But they're just like four people that I think are just friends. And they they're so lucky because they have each other to play with and they're all good. Like they're objectively amazing. But their album The return, I really loved a lot of the tracks in the middle to later side of that album. The one that's coming to my mind is either portals reloaded is the song and then there's also like space Samba that I really love. Yeah, they're really good. We were listening to it not long ago. It was groovy. Yeah, very groovy. And then the song is a song that I actually found when I was in middle school, but I still love to this day and it's all it's really good for me. I love looping it when I'm at work or when I'm here and I'm thinking about something that requires like prolonged or deep thought. But the song is by a very bizarre artist called Bucket Head. And he is a a rock guitarist and instrumental rock guitarist and his song on the album electric tears The song also called Electric tears, okay, very slow, very heavy. very emotional, very cold. But I have found that so useful. Like it's easier for me to think when I whenever i Whenever I listen to that song, and I'll probably listen to it for the rest of my life, but yeah, but anyway, so the return the album by the Lydian collective and then electric tears on the album electric tears by Buckethead. Well, I will link both of those in the show notes which will be at life on the brink dot live. They'll be A good blog post with all those links and some pictures and stuff like that. Well, thank you, Josh. Thank you, Anna for being my season finale guest. Yeah, as I mentioned, I'm 37 weeks pregnant now. And so I'm going to be taking a little bit of a break. We're gonna get frozen yogurt. Yeah, we're gonna get frozen yogurt. But longer break than that break for the summer. Frozen. Yeah, yeah. Um, the summer of fro you, I'm going to be back in the fall with season five, and more frozen yogurt. So if you would like to follow along, I will update the blog a couple times, throughout this summer throughout this break, to sort of announce baby girl whenever that happens. And if you'd like you can also subscribe to the newsletter. If you want to, like make sure that you're up to date, or if you're want to follow along. Hopefully I will. I plan to keep up with the newsletter over the summer, and you can sign up for that it's free. It's at the bottom of basically every page on the website, which is again life on the brink dot live. If you haven't left a rating or a review, on Apple podcasts or on Spotify, you can do a star review. That would be lovely as well. And there's now four seasons of archives that if you haven't listened to are there and available for you hits such as summer movie night. The summer reading challenge that I had a couple years ago, I will be sharing on the blog, I do have a nice stack of books that I hope to read this summer, probably with one hand as I as I nursed the baby or whatever. But other summery content that will just be on the blog, giving the podcast a little bit of a break. But thank you to everyone who has listened and who has sent in questions and has left reviews and all of that. Yeah, I'll be back in the fall with season five. And until then. Until then have a great summer. Yeah. Have a great summer and I'll be back with the baby. So thank you for joining for this last episode. Thank you for your continued support and listenership. And thank you to Josh. Thank you, Anna. Thanks for having okay. Bye, everybody. Bye. Thank you for tuning into this episode of Life on the brink. If you're enjoying these episodes, please feel free to leave a star rating or even better leave a review on Apple podcasts to help spread the word. For podcast show notes and extra inspirational posts throughout the week. Head to the blog at life on the brink dot live. And if you'd like a little extra dose of inspiration in your life, sign up for the monthly newsletter, which lights up your inbox the first Friday of each month. Thank you so much for listening. And until next time, friends you have a lovely week. Bye