Hello hello, and welcome to Episode 94 of Life On the Brink!
Even as we cultivate our beautiful daily lives, every now and then life calls for a bit of elevation and celebration. Today we’re talking about one such celebration: Date Night.
Sometimes it’s easy to do the same (and sometimes expensive) things, and suddenly an experience that was designed to elevate you outside your normal routine becomes a routine in itself. How do we create a fun and satisfying night with your sweetheart, even after many years together?
Expense is by no means the greatest determining factor, and today I’m sharing lots of Date Night ideas that, despite their modest budget, can make for an exciting and fun evening.
In this episode I'm sharing:
-what makes a "good" date night
-scientific findings about closeness and relationship growth
-recipes for a night in
-lots of local date ideas to try in your area
-ways to converse to learn more about your partner
Plus, this week's Little Joy was an unexpected moment at work, and I'm sharing an old album by one of my favorite groups of all time.
For the complete show notes, click here!
For full transcript, click here!
Site: lifeonthebrink.live
Social: @anna_on_the_keys
Hello hello, and welcome to Episode 94 of Life On the Brink!
Even as we cultivate our beautiful daily lives, every now and then life calls for a bit of elevation and celebration. Today we’re talking about one such celebration: Date Night.
Sometimes it’s easy to do the same (and sometimes expensive) things, and suddenly an experience that was designed to elevate you outside your normal routine becomes a routine in itself. How do we create a fun and satisfying night with your sweetheart, even after many years together?
Expense is by no means the greatest determining factor, and today I’m sharing lots of Date Night ideas that, despite their modest budget, can make for an exciting and fun evening.
In this episode I'm sharing:
-what makes a "good" date night
-scientific findings about closeness and relationship growth
-recipes for a night in
-lots of local date ideas to try in your area
-ways to converse to learn more about your partner
Plus, this week's Little Joy was an unexpected moment at work, and I'm sharing an old album by one of my favorite groups of all time.
For the complete show notes, click here!
For full transcript, click here!
Site: lifeonthebrink.live
Social: @anna_on_the_keys
Welcome to Life on the brink, a lovely little place filled with inspiration and creativity that is dedicated to enjoying life one day at a time. I'm Ana. And together, we're exploring the beautiful things in this world that fascinate us, and often discovering something new. Hello, hello, and welcome to episode 94 of life on the brink. Hello, welcome to the last week of July, which means that we are approaching August, in which I know some people are already anticipating autumn. And the school year is yet upon us, but not yet. Not quite yet. And personally, there is one very big milestone that occurs right at the end of July, which is my anniversary. My husband Josh and I will have been married for three years this July 31. And so it sort of has inspired this episode as I've been thinking about what to do and thinking about date nights and stuff like that. And so today's episode is all about date night, but on a budget. And I'll mention this a little bit later. But this is also if you're if you're immediately like Well, I'm I'm not in a relationship, this is really not for me, let me just say that many of the things I'll be talking about today would also make just really nice gatherings with friends or other people that you would like to know better or get closer to. Because even as we cultivate our beautiful daily lives every now and then life calls for a little bit of elevation, and celebration. And in theory, date night is a great chance to spend time with your significant other in which you learn more about each other and appreciate your love and relationship that much more. Sometimes, though, it is easy, I think, especially if you're tired. Or if you're really busy. You're in a busy season. It's easy to fall into the same evening of dinner, or going to a movie, which I love both of those things, by the way. But suddenly an experience that was designed to elevate you, outside of your normal routine becomes a routine in itself. So how do we create a fun and satisfying night with your sweetheart even after so many years together? And if you're like me, perhaps the first answer that you can come up with is money because extravagance is often a rarity. However, expense is by no means the greatest determining factor in a fun date night. And so today I'm sharing lots of ideas that despite having a modest budget can make for a very exciting and fun evening. So before we jump into this episode, go ahead and make yourself a nice cup of tea, or maybe an iced tea. Today I'm drinking an iced cold brew coffee. I talked about it in the last episode, how I've been making it. And the pitcher is just so easy to use. I've been doing it all the time. And so I have a cold brew with almond milk and it's lovely. I did make it this time with the vanilla French Vanilla coffee beans. And I think I can taste the difference. I already use a vanilla almond milk. So it's not that big a difference but it is yummy. Okay, so let's talk about it. Like I said, I definitely enjoy getting dressed up and just going to a fancy dinner. Because I well I enjoy food and I'm sure you do as well. This is something we have in common. But that tends to be something that we save for anniversaries or for Valentine's Day maybe or bigger milestones like a promotion or something like that. In fact, for our third anniversary, it's on a Monday this year. So we were kind of limited but we are going to go to a nice fancy dinner at The Williamsburg Inn, which is really fancy hotel. So every now and then a little bit of fence, a little bit of sparkle. I really do love that, but it's not feasible year round. So what then how do we enjoy time with our partners in a fun and new way without spending a bunch of money? So let's examine first what makes a quote unquote good date night. I'm going to be drawing from a paper that I came across it was published in 2021 by the National Library of Medicine, it called planting date nights that promote closeness, the roles of relationship goals and self expansion. And I have linked the article and included the authors of the paper and all that stuff in the show notes. So you can read the whole thing. It's fascinating. I love reading, like a very scientific research about things that at first glance, don't sound scientific, like planning date night, because it's fascinating. In this paper, they not only show the importance of date night, step one, having those nights within a relationship, but also pointed out some key elements that strengthen the relationship. So here's a direct quote, despite the seemingly inconsequential nature of shared leisure activities, and viewing them as a quote, unquote, bonus activity. growing evidence suggests that shared recreation is important for promoting closeness and established relationships. And then continuing on this is also directly from the paper. One way to enhance and sustain closeness, in established relationships is to engage in exciting shared leisure activities that promote a broadening of the mind and a new perspective of the self. And in this paper, they go deep into the idea of self expansion, what that actually entails. And basically, it's when you're interacting with the world, and you're digging in information. And it gives you a new perspective about yourself, it changes your self perception. And the idea in date night, how it relates to this is that by creating environments where you learn more about your partner, that in turn, expands your own self perception. And that simultaneous action creates a bond that can help sustain closeness within the relationship. And I mean, that makes sense when you think about like brand new relationships, how everything is new. And so everything is exciting, because you're learning constantly. And you are perhaps subconsciously examining yourself, and you're learning more about yourself as well as you interact with a new person. And so, when looking at planning an evening, or some time with a well established partner, it was found in this paper that dates that excite the mind such as this is a quote, in a variety of ways, like novelty, arousal challenge, as well as by features such as interest, spontaneity, playfulness, and adventure, on quote, those were related to higher relationship quality. So all of those things on that list that I just mentioned, have in common, I think like a high level of engagement. And I really liked playfulness and adventure as a part of that. And actually, later on in the paper, it even mentioned is like risk. Like, even though danger may not be safe, having those experiences together can actually do the same thing. But we don't need to have a dangerous date night, we're simply going to take those elements of something new, or something that involves a challenge, or even novelty, I liked that one as well, something different. So that you can simply interact with each other and learn more about each other within that environment. That's the idea. And that's why I also mentioned at the beginning, that this, this list of ideas that I'm going to present could actually be great for any relationship, whether it's a family member, or a friend, or perhaps even a group of friends. It's like jazz, allow me to relate everything to jazz, again, where you're creating an environment. That's the whole point of like, writing jazz compositions, is just so you can create a different atmosphere, so that the soloists can improvise according to that atmosphere. Because if you're playing something really cool and mellow, Miles Davis, something like that, and then someone stands up and gives a totally out of pocket solo feeling like John Coltrane or something like that. They're not listening. And that you can tell very quickly. And so the point of this, why don't why am I talking about culture and because we're simply setting the scene, the whole point of the date, the whole point of any jazz tune? debatable, perhaps that is, is the improvisation is the stuff that you don't plan. But having the intentionality to create the environment around it really helps facilitate that particular type of improvisation. So allow me to get into this list of ideas. I've gathered them from my own experience, as well as from some friends that I've By asking, who are in long term relationships. Hopefully these will provide some inspiration, or maybe give you some new ideas altogether that aren't on this list. The idea is to have fun and to just learn something new about your partner. Alrighty, so I have five Main Categories with many other ideas within it, the first of which is to cook together, no surprise here. But it can be elevated in such a nice way, even at home. I think the first step would be to choose a recipe together in advance so that the groceries can be shopped for. Maybe you look through some cookbooks or some Instagram profiles and find something that looks really yummy. I'll have some recipe ideas in a minute. But once you have all the proper ingredients, you set aside your time. And the date begins when you're cooking, not when you're eating. It's before all that. And if you're like me, it's good to get into the mindset of okay, I'm on a date. Now, it's not about efficiency, that comes secondary to just having a nice time in the kitchen. So I recommend, pour yourself a glass of something, put on music, absolutely. Something nice in the background. And then go through the recipe together. If you'd like split up tasks, and just take your time with it. It's no stress, as Josh would say, you're already winning. And then I think it would be really nice to set the table, maybe get a tablecloth, absolutely have candles, and then transition to the dining space, keep the music going, pour another glass of something and enjoy what you've made. And this doesn't have to be an expensive meal. A lot of really wonderful, beautiful dishes are from such humble ingredients. So find something that you would both enjoy. And just set aside that time you got to eat anyway. So you might as well just make a night out of it. As far as what to make. I have some thoughts. I think that Well, I love pasta, obviously every day. But I think that it easily feels fancy. And it can feel very elevated date night Ooh, without having to be very complicated. Also, risotto, I think gets a reputation for being really difficult to make, when really it's not, you just have to be patient. And that's also I think, quite a luxurious feeling dish, while still being made of just rice, so not expensive at all. Also, in a totally different vein, you could do something like tacos, where there's a lot of different side components. So the splitting up of cooking tasks can be perhaps simpler, I think that could work well. And then anything I think that has baking, or even just making this like a dessert cooking together, you're just baking together. I think that that's even more magical, because then you just put it in the oven and you wait. So could even be like pizza, if you you can either make the dough or or get some of the pre made dough. Because then that's also very creative, you can come up with new things together. But like I said, look through some different recipes and find something that sounds yummy and fun to make. The idea is just that you're working together, you're communicating, and you've isolated a pocket of time to just be together and do that together. So that's the first big idea. The second is to visit museums or local exhibits. Because there's always something new to see. Obviously, if you live in a more urban environment, there's probably going to be more museums and stuff like that, but just check your local area. And I think a great resource would be local colleges or universities, because they're always doing art exhibits. Or you could even go to a concert doing something new or looking at just something you haven't seen before. Recently, Josh and I went to an art museum that was it's been in our area this whole time and it's free, but we've never gone to it. But we went to celebrate a birthday and it was fascinating. And it really sparked some really nice conversations in the car, just asking about our personal interpretations of pieces, which pieces stuck out. And so I think a big part of this particular date night idea is just asking questions, perhaps My favorite question is why? Or how do you mean? So if a partner expresses an opinion about something, say, Oh, why is that, because then you get to know a little bit more about their brain, where they're coming from. And I think that art museums and exhibits, especially, like I said, if they're local than they're always changing, and can oftentimes be very cheap or free to go to. It's just a really nice way to spend an afternoon perhaps. And I also personally, of course, I'm biased, but I love the concert idea. I live pretty close to my alma mater. And every now and then if someone I know is, is in a concert, or if I, you know, if I'm in one or something like that, Josh and I have been to a lot of classical and jazz concerts together. And it's always nice to talk about them after and to just get each other's opinions. So if especially if that's out of your comfort zone, I would look into it. Alright, item number three, I'm simply calling conversation starters. So this can be a little bit up to interpretation, or fluid in terms of its setting. This could be as simple as using actual, like conversation starters, like the cards, or the games or using online forums. I have done this. When Josh and I have been on long road trips, and he's driving for hours, I'll look up a list of, of conversation questions or just interesting probing questions. And it helps the conversation really flow and makes the time go by really quickly because we end up talking about memories and like a deeper level of our thoughts and desires. But in contrast, when I asked my sister, Sarah, about this date night idea, she mentioned how she will always find bits of like conversation starter, or trivia games at thrift stores, it might not be a complete game, it'll just be a stack of cards. But she'll get them and then they'll, they'll talk about them in like in the car or somewhere like that. And those questions are not always so deep, but they are fun and interesting. And I was also reminded that there's actually a restaurant locally that I've been to that has, like conversation starter cards at the table. And while that's a very niche restaurant, you could even bring some questions to dinner. Or you could decide beforehand, hey, let's come up with a list of like five questions, each of us could be absolutely absurd, Goofy, serious, just questions to ask the other. And then you share your own response as well. Just to be intentional about the conversation. Also, in this category, this is again from my sister. And that's to dress up together. So if you're going somewhere, it's this is again, a little bit more of a specific activity. Not every couple, I know, Josh would not fall into this category as like a fun date night. But planning what to wear for simple night out or going somewhere together, while trying to complement each other can be fun for some couples, especially deciding how to complement each other. And that that communication, that conversation is interesting. And then finally, you could try I liked this idea this is coming from a couple of friends of mine is a flight of anything. In one way you could go to a local winery or brewery or even coffee shops will sometimes have flights. And it's a great way to just get talking because there's a lot of comparing contrasting all that sort of thing. But it also forces both of you to slow down. And to really pay attention to something small. You're savoring. Just a little sip of something. And I think that that makes it much easier to appreciate the present moment together. Josh and I have done several wine tastings together. And it's always it's always lots of fun. Or you could also DIY this sort of concept, in perhaps a more scientific conducting an experiment type of way. Which could be a good excuse to bring home like seven different kinds of cheese or something and taste test, because it combines elements of that playfulness and fun but also A little bit of critical thinking and also that communication, that's the main thing. So that's number three to get the conversation going. Number four is to simply use your local resources. This will of course, be different for everyone, depending on where you live. But here's a few ideas to just get things going. One great resource I did mention, like universities beforehand, but your library, your local library, may have a lot more than you think I was looking up some different branches in my general area. And some of them have board games and video games and all different kinds of non book things that you can check out. And I think that perhaps a new game, especially a puzzle game, where you can work together would be really, really nice for a date. Or in fact, for that matter, and actual puzzle, I think that could be a really nice cozy night in. In fact, I'm just recalling, I think it was a Christmas gift. My cousin Hi, Isaiah. I know Isaiah listens. He gave me for I think it was a Christmas, it was basically like a date night kit of a puzzle. It was a teacups, it's beautiful, and a box of tea and a really nice honey, I think it was and it was for like a rainy night in of having a puzzle night. So that's just precious. I love that. And I think that could be very cozy. Even if you've got like a seasonal movie on or something you're working together on the puzzle. I like this idea as I just it just came to me, but I like that. But check your local library, they might have some puzzles available. Or also in that same vein, you can look for events, either through public libraries or rec centers, a lot of places, I think go under the radar with their events. And you might find something that would interest the two of you. Sometimes I'd like to check Facebook events, just search for this weekend in your local area. And there's a lot more going on than you would think. And much of it is either pretty cheap or free. In my area, there's a lot of different trivia nights at various breweries. And I've been to a couple that are pretty nice. But I'm also reminded, like, in my area, through, I believe it's the Parks and Rec Department, there are monthly group bike rides. And a couple years ago, I did several of them and Josh was with me for I think one or two. But it was just a large group of people biking through different areas of the town. So you got to see a new part of your local area. And there is an element of challenge and of working together, especially in a larger group. And that was that was very nice. And finally, this is kind of like a, like a maybe an addendum in this category is just I love escape rooms. And I just wanted to mention them because some places will put out coupons. And if you happen to catch one with a good coupon, I just think they're so fun. Even if it's just the two of you, you cut yourself some slack. Josh and I did an escape room for Valentine's Day a couple years ago. And the guy was very cool, because he let us go past our time limit because we were the only ones there. But we did pretty good. We solved it in in a little over an hour. And we still talk about it. Because we had to interact together we had to work together we were there was a sense of risk there. And we were learning new things constantly. But because this is a budget friendly episode. That's why I say just check out specials and coupons for that kind of thing. The idea with this whole category is just to use what is in your area, because it's a great way to do something that you've never done before. And finally, our last category is to get outside because the outdoors is oftentimes free. And it's always changing. It could be as simple as going to the beach, just having a beach day it could be going to a garden. There's lots of free local parks. In many areas, I would say pretty much everywhere. Or you could plan a day to hike a trail or two. Provided you are in good health exercise is always going to feel good. In the words of Elle Woods. Exercise gives you endorphins Endorphins make you happy. So they can easily Maybe a sense of novelty and also of adventure. Because even if you're going to a place that you've been before, perhaps with the change of seasons, things can look a little bit different. And I think generally being outdoors being in nature is refreshing to the body and the mind. And so experiencing that with your partner is always going to be good. But if you'd like a bit more of like an activity, quote, unquote, I would like to recommend two different apps. The first is all trails. And I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but it's a l l trails. And it's a lovely app that just maps out so many walking and hiking and biking paths all over the world, really. So I have I've done that in my local area, or when we've traveled, I've looked up, where is a trail of the correct length for us and difficulty. And I found some really beautiful places that I wouldn't have known where there had I not use this app. And also, it's not a new thing by any means. But if you've never tried geocaching, it's it can be really, really fun. It's basically kind of like a scavenger hunt of sorts, that is just continually ongoing. And it's happening in the city or it can be on trails, it's all over the place, you would have no idea that there's tiny little treasure boxes all over your town. I don't know if that's a worldwide thing or not. But if you're in an area that has geocaching, its uses the GPS on your phone. And I think it's I think it's really fun. Definitely lots of adventure there. So I've like I said, I think being outside is a great way to spend your time and it is very often free. Finally, allow me to leave you with just a few parting thoughts regarding date night. The first of which is to plan them more often if you can, because I think it helps to take the pressure off. If it's something that you know you will do again, it's not going to be your last date for who knows how long, then it doesn't have to be quote unquote, perfect, and that pressure can can go away. And also I'd like to share. This is from the same paper that I was quoting earlier in the episode. This is just a really nice sentiment. It says, although planning might seem like the antithesis of excitement, pre arranging these activities might actually ensure they happen and facilitate feelings of excitement. For instance, planning and initiating a day trip to visit a new town with a partner might create an environment for non routine spontaneous and exciting moments to naturally emerge, which I think is just nice to keep in mind when we're talking about planning because you could feel like it's the opposite of spontaneity, but in fact, it's helping to facilitate it. I hope this episode has given you some inspiration, some ideas for some very fun evenings to come. And if you would like more inspiration, I really think that if you haven't listened to it yet, Episode 58 is right in line with this. It's called creating memories, the power of moments. And it's based off of a book called The Power of moments, which is fantastic, and I think is really complimentary to this episode. And also, if you would like to listen more on the relationship side of things, you can head to Episode 36 called first year marriage lessons with my husband. So Josh was on that episode is the only episode thus far in which he has joined me but it's just us ruminating on our first year of marriage, which I guess was two years ago. Well, but he's super sweet. So you can you can enjoy that. And with that happy date night. I'm wishing you all the best. And I'll be right back with this week's little joy this week's little joy was completely unexpected and very specific. It's so I think I've mentioned on this podcast before but it's maybe it's been a while that among my many jobs as a musician and performer. I work for a company owned by my sister actually it says company and we provide character performers entertainment, to children's birthday parties and the like in the realm of Disney princesses. So we were at this party. I was dressed as Belle. Sara was there as Maratha and there was another performer there as Ariel. Really big deal. Four year old birthday party is her first bird They party of all time. And they've gone all out. I mean, obviously, they've hired three princesses. And we're just doing our thing I've done this job for I guess it's nine years this year, she's had this business for 10 years. As a side note, it's called witchery. Entertainment. If you'd like to look it up, W is Hery. And so anyway, I've been doing this a long time. But never in my life have I experienced this. We're leaving this party. It's been lovely. The children have been, you know, for they're doing as much as they can, but precious, and then we're leaving. And as we approached the door, I noticed that the mother is ushering the girls to take some of these humongous rose bouquets out of this bucket of water. And they're handing one to each of us. Just as a thank you. These were enormous. They had 18 Roses each. Like I said, they went all out for this party. But oh my gosh, I had never been tipped in flowers before. And it was awesome, too. Our reactions were genuine. We were like, Oh, my goodness, thank you so much. And of course, I'm dressed as Belle. So I It feels so appropriate. It's roses. And now downstairs, there's a vase that is just packed with roses, and it's delightful, completely unexpected. It was a wonderful little joy. In fact, I posted about it on my Instagram story. So feel free to follow me over there if you're interested in all the processing content. And then I would like to share an album of music that is not by any means new but has been reintroduced to me. Because I'm listening through it with Josh. It's by snarky puppy, which is one of my favorite artists of all time. And it's their album ground up, which is a pretty old one, I think it was their second or third studio album. But oh my gosh, it just it never quits. It's such a good album. The genre is hard to describe, I think it's technically jazz, but not really. But actually, now that I think about it, it's a great example of what I was talking about today in which there are really precisely orchestrated instrumental tunes. They may or may not sound like jazz, quote, unquote, to everyone's ear, but then there's going to be large sections, where there's a soloist, and they're just going to do whatever they will and then everyone comes back in. And it's all about listening. And in fact, I want to say that entire album, yeah, there's video recordings of the tracks as well. So you can watch each track and how the players are interacting with each other. But the good news is, Josh has never heard this stuff. But he loves it. And so I'm listening to these tracks that I fell in love with in like 2014 15. And so it's bringing up all these emotions from like, a very different time in my life, and then experiencing it with Josh. It's just so it's a really nice experience. And this album is great. That's, that's, that's another thing. So I highly recommend ground up what a good album, what a fantastic group. So finally, I just wanted to mention two more things. The first is that next week, the first Friday of August, the newest newsletter of life on the brink will be coming out. And if you haven't yet, you can feel free to sign up for the free monthly newsletter, you just go down to the bottom of any page on the website, which is of course life on the brink dot live. And there's a little box where you can sign up and it just shows up in your email once a month. I share lots of fun extra things over there. And that'll be coming out next week Friday, because that's going to be the beginning of August. But no matter when you're listening to this episode, you can always sign up and it'll be the first Friday of every month. And then finally, this is pretty off topic, but I figured that some of you perhaps many of you would be interested to hear it. I mentioned I guess it was three episodes ago, it was episode 91. I talked all about particular experience with my one of the groups that I sing with, which is called the TrueTone honeys. We're doing a lot of new things in this year. And one of those things is we're going to be recording an album. We've never done this before. But it's going to be a live album. We're recording it next month we're going to New Orleans and doing this whole thing. It's going to be a fantastic process. And the point of this is that if you would like a copy of that album, you can preorder it right now we're running a Kickstarter, and it's just going to help front load some of the costs for producing the album but if you pledge to support it, then you will receive a digital copy of the album once it's out. So it's basically like pre ordering. I'll leave a link in the show notes to that Kickstarter. And I'm also sharing it on my Instagram quite a bit. So if you are interested in music from the 1920s through the 40s 50s, it's very old jazz trio close harmony singing, super rad. I love singing it. And we're going to be accompanying ourselves. It's a very fun project. If you're interested, just go ahead and check that out. Just wanted to throw it out there. Fun things are coming. So that is all I hope that you have a fantastic weekend, week day whenever you're listening to this, that you're enjoying the rest of this season. And I wish you a very, very happy date night. I'll be back in two weeks with a new episode. Thank you so so much. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Life on the brink. If you're enjoying these episodes, please feel free to leave a star rating or even better leave a review on Apple podcasts to help spread the word. For podcast show notes and extra inspirational posts throughout the week. Head to the blog at life on the brink dot live. And if you'd like a little extra dose of inspiration in your life, sign up for the monthly newsletter, which lights up your inbox the first Friday of each month. Thank you so much for listening. And until next time, friends, you have a lovely week. Bye